My good friend Jethro and I started our second year of IBM Golf League yesterday and we lost in glorious fashion. Jethro takes the losses a little more seriously than me, as he devotes more time to the game and is a tad bit more competitive. I don’t ever get too bummed about it though, because I’m just learning the game (playing seriously for only about 2-3 years now) and don’t have too much time to commit to it. In fact, my new adventures in blogging and photography almost got me thinking of giving up the Golf League this year. But one thing kept me in it, and that’s the Golf talk.

Golf is often viewed as a therapeutic game, you’re out on the open field with beautiful scenery and nature’s silence. If you’re new to the game though, it may seem anything but relaxing, as you may find yourself getting frustrated with the difficulty it presents.

I’ve played the game with a wide range of folks, and have just about heard and seen it all…even the dirty old man joke or two. Jethro and I try to keep things fun and clean with our golf speak, and I just wanted to share a few of those moments here today since they’re making myself laugh at this very moment.

The summer golf league is match play – we’re each matched up against another opponent for the day – and we have quite a few terms for particular competitive situations. One of my favorites is the motif on food and service. If we mess up a drive or a shot, basically giving the other guy an easy out for winning that hole, we call it “silver plattering” – because we basically gave the guy the win on a silver platter. If done often enough, you might even be “setting up a buffet station for the day” or “serving up a full course meal” – for the record we basically served up an 8-course meal on yesterday’s 9-hole service. If the range isn’t treating us kindly before the match, we may find ourselves “suiting up for full-time butler service” or “getting ready for a long day of plating.”

Not all the dialogue is food related, though. We have some that harken back to the good old high school days, that I also find humorous. Playing on our nerves, and my Dallas-born ability to crumble under pressure, we may compare a shot to asking out a girl or going to prom.

Find yourself setup on the fairway, one easy chip away from the green? “She’s checking you out, dad. All you have to do is go ask her out.”

Drive to the green on a par 3? “You’re dancing with the prom queen!”

If you blow it though, well then “It looks like you blew out a tire on the way to the dance. No dancing tonight.” – a true prom story experienced by one of Jethro’s friends.

There a quite a few more situational comedies Jethro and I may play through during a round, and there’s usually something new in there each week too. That friendly competition and humor is what is most enjoyable about the game to me. A bad day on the course may have me looking like I’ve “never been kissed,” but I’ll still be smiling from the laughter.



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